"Working".....through cancer.

   I had to think long and hard on what to write about this month. I decided I would pick the topic I am struggling the most with right now. It is the inability to go back to work . In the scheme of things it doesn't seem like it should be a big deal. I spent the last year just trying to stay alive! However, now that I am feeling better I was hoping to go back just a few hours. I am no where near the point where going back full time is an option. I still have to have a port removed from my head. I wasn't ready for that just yet so I put it on the backburner for awhile. There is only so much poking and prodding someone can take in a year.

  I have worked since I was 15. Most recently I was at the same job for almost 20 yrs when I got sick. We all have  days we think we wish we didn't have to work. But for the most part I really liked my job and I liked working with the public. I miss the ladies I worked with and the everyday socialization. Whether you work outside the home or are a stay at home mom it is still the sense of getting out and having some form of socializing. Whether its at a soccer game, or conference room it is a feeling of "being." 

   I have so many people tell me I should just enjoy the time and do whatever I want. I have organized all my closets and cupboards...it gets old fast. I wasn't quite ready to "retire" yet,  so for me it was like having a rug pulled out from under me. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be alive. I just feel like my sense of independence took a big hit and for me that is hard to get used to. I am blessed with a really supportive family and some awesome friends. But I miss "me" and somewhere I have to find a way to reinvent myself. 

  I have thought of doing volunteer work or doing home parties of some sort. I need to find something to change up my daily routine. I need to feel useful. I am wondering if anyone else struggles with  this . If so, I'd love to hear from you.

  I beat the cancer and I am forever thankful for that. Now its just about finding that "new normal"....I am finding that a challenge.

  So, til next time...keep fighting, keep  focused and stay positive! No one does this alone.

 

 

Sally