Will the worrying ever stop?

    Lets be honest....

   Ok I have been up pretty much all night....that seems to be a new normal here.

I have an appointment today so I never rest easy knowing that even after all this time.

The quiet morning hours give me time to think about a lot of things, good , bad or in between. This has been a rough few months so I am not going to say its all rainbows and butterflies.

   As always I am grateful each and every day I get out of bed. I try my very best to have a positiive attitude. However; I also have days when I am overwhelmed and sad by how I feel so betrayed by my own body. I am back on medications to get my blood work back on track. They keep telling me its to be expected and not to worry. Trust is something I am running out of in those regards. I don't trust my body anymore. It is difficult when a new ache or pain shows up not to think...what if its back? I was feeling great but I have down this road before and then wham! I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this but I think perhaps maybe I

am not alone in this. 

Does anyone else feel like this? 

   I beat cancer, I beat leukemia. I am tired....just tired ....I don't feel like I am really moving forward at times. My husband says its just a bump in the road. He is so supportive and understanding but I am tired of the road work. The steroids have my face bloated. I now have to take eye drops for dry eyes. I think about the wounded warriors out there and I get angry with myself for feeling defeated. I know I have no right . Yet, I think I need to be honest with myself and anyone that may read this in case you go thru the same thing. It's ok to be angry. Its ok to cry. Its ok to be sad once in awhile.

   I have many happy events coming up that I am looking forward to. I still have a bucket list. I just don't always have patience. I hope you all have the opportunity to enjoy time with family and friends this fall. Til next time...be well and be safe.

Sally