Journey with unexpected side effects...

    I was never a big stresser or anxious type of person. I typically dealt with a crisis and then later allowed myself an appropriate meltdown afterwards. Illness, deployments, deaths, jobs and moves....I tried to take it all in stride. The army motto "keep moving forward."

     However: I am finding I may have lost that girl somewhere along this journey. I am having anxiety and I am nervous and feeling overwhelmed.

      Parts of me are better and I am cancer and leukemia free. Its the side 

effects that come afterward that I was totally unprepared for. I am currently

in the process of a clinical trial. My lungs are only working at 50%. Just the

thought of more tests, scans and appointments feels like I am carrying a ton

of bricks. Top that off with I have a court hearing with a disability judge this fall.

I don't know if I should look forward to that or dread it.

     Its all an emotionally draining journey. I know I am blessed to still be here.

I am grateful for everyday I wake up. I am just so very tired mentally and physically. I try my best to "bounce" but I think my spring has sprung. At least for right now anyway.

     I keep focused on my boys and I am doing whatever it takes so I can be 

here for them. They have amazing journeys ahead of them and I want to be there.

As always; my husband is my rock. I love him for that but at the same time I am 

angry at myself that I need him to be.

     I don't want to end this on a negative note. The medical field has made amazing strides in cancer research. A body can most often be "fixed.” The heart and soul just take a little longer. I don't have patience, but I always have faith. Thats all I really need anyway.

      Til next time, be well and as you re-invent yourself; keep in mind its a journey

not a race...

      Sally